I was joking around with my family this year that if I had to pick any resolution to stick to, it would be to resolve myself every year to get a little bit closer to becoming a millionaire.
See, that works because it is incredibly vague to the point that even if I ended the year with 1 cent more in my bank account than what I started with, at least I still accomplished my goal.
All this is basically to say that I kind of want to throw New Year’s resolutions out the window. I’ve already got enough concrete goals and deadlines to meet.
Speaking of which, I actually managed to write a little over 16 pages while on holiday, so at least I don’t have as large a mountain of work waiting for me to finish when I get back to Paris. The February deadline to apply for completion funding for next year (yeah, I am incredibly ready to be done with this project) is just shy of a month away, but meeting the requirements for it no longer seems as impossible as it once did (to a certain person who I am sure is reading this right now…yes, yes, you were right; getting this done wasn’t quite as impossible as I told myself it would be).
But anyway, in spite of my sometimes aversion to making New Year’s resolutions/the whole new year/clean slate thing, I figured why not try and think of a succinct way to sum up the year that was.
This year was…hard. Well, the last few months of it at least. Sometimes I still go back in my head and think about things I could have done or wish I had done differently, but it doesn’t do to dwell on that for too long. Besides, there were quite a few good things that outweighed the bad. In no particular order, some highlights:
- Getting back into physical theatre, and meeting some of the best people I can now count amongst my friends (and also relishing in the power of female bonding)
- Writing and successfully submitting my dissertation prospectus
- Writing a chapter draft (still hate it, but at least I did it)
- Going on my first solo trip/crossing another country off my list
- Surviving a year of teaching three different class levels
- Successfully installing a washing machine
- Getting to show old friends around the city
- Walking the entire length of the city of Paris multiple times and never getting sick of it.
- Allowing myself to open up to someone again, putting myself in a much more vulnerable position than what I’m used to. This is probably the thing I’m most proud of, but it’s also the hardest to grapple with. What I mean by this is that I’m not sure if or when I’m going to be ready to do it again, and part of what I’ve been ruminating over in my head is the fact that I can be okay with this. I kind of want to just focus my attention on the people I’ve let in to my life already for the time being, on cultivating those relationships, and making more memories in 2019 through them.
Actually, come to think of it, maybe this will be a resolution for 2019: be more present for people. There were a number of moments this year where I reached out and someone was there to help, and I want to give that back. I want to tap into my strength again and use it to boost those I care about up, as I’ve been doing with myself (I’ve gotten better at not criticizing myself as harshly for one thing). I want to be more selfless, say I love/appreciate/care about the people in my life more.
I didn’t get the coin in the vassilopita this year, for once. To be honest, I’m not that mad about it. That thing has brought me quite a bit of nonsense the last few times I got it, so maybe it’ll be good to take a break from it for a while.
Other than that, I think we can all agree that, personal issues aside, this was a bit of a dumpster-fire of a year for the world in general. I will say, however, that checking my email to find another New York Times alert about a new indictment coming through–patience does pay off sometimes–did bring me quite a bit of joy.
As to my time in California, well, I ate a lot, slept a lot, and wrote a decent amount. I would call that a success.
Now to get through an 11hr flight, 3hr layover, 1hr flight and a hopefully not-nonsensical RER ride before I am back in my undoubtedly freezing apartment (thank goodness for the insulating curtains I have up though…literally saving my life).